Ever Hear Of An Earth Bong?

I hadn't until today...

But, this story really begins on Saturday when I had occasion to visit the Santa Monica pier and subsequently laze about on the beach.

Going on sunset, as my friend and I sat on the beach staring out at the ocean, three young men congregated in our vicinity carrying buckets, shovels, and a long lenth of bamboo. Our interest piqued we watched as they proceeded to bury the bamboo stick, upright, in the sand. For the next 10 minutes or so my friend and I tried to figure out what the purpose of this "stick mound" could be.

Were they looking for as yet undiscovered in Santa Monica oil reserves? Maybe it's a flagpole for washed up underwear? Midget tetherball?

But, before we could determine the identity of this construction project they abandoned plan, ripped the stick out of the mound, and proceeded to build "mound". Confused and maybe just a little bored we left them to their mound and continued up the beach.

Upon sharing stories of weekend adventures with a lab-mate this afternoon I relayed the story of "stick mound". His reply? Oh yeah...an "Earth Bong".

A what? I mean...I thought I'd heard of/seen/experienced just about any way that a person could smoke marijuana, but considering who I was talking to I decided to take him seriously.

So, I googled it, and while I can neither confirm nor de-bunk the information I think that what we saw was a failed Earth Bong erection.

Here is what I found: from The Best 420 Ways To Smoke Yo' Weed

****The Earth Bong Cometh****

For as long as mankind has been around, he (or she for yo' ganja smokin' feminists) has been walking the earth. Now you can become One with our planet and smoke a bowl of sticky green using "The Earth Bong".

The Earth Bong was originally introduced by the Chinese fighting-monks who could kill an opponent with their left pinky by inserting it at high- speeds into the victims right ear-lobe. After a triumphant battle, the monks would smoke Hash or Marijuana to declare their victory.

In several Asian languages, the word for 'assassin' is very similar to 'pot-head' because of the frequent juxtaposition of the combined activities. Please do not take this to mean that you should smoke and kill people.

Earth Bongs are inherently simple, but you should feel free to modify them as much as you feel you need to since the human race has progressed somewhat in the recent industrial and information revolutions. I will elaborate on the version the Stealth Monks used in lower Mongolia (88 nautical miles ESE of Ulaanbaatar).

Take a strong bamboo shoot that has not cracked or chipped too much. Toward the bottom, make a hole with a drill (or you can shoot it with a bow-and- arrow from a safe distance like the Voovaxe Monks did in the earlier part of the 13th Century) and insert a pipe/slide. You bamboo shoot now looks like a bong, except it has no actual bottom to it. It's a bong with a wide open bottom section. Fully vulnerable to the extremities of the outside world.

The bottom of this modified bamboo shoot is then dipped into a puddle so that when you pack the bowl, and pull a hit, it filters the smoking contents through the muddy puddles water. You can get a monster hit from a good bamboo shoots and mother nature will be getting high with you and will most likely create a beautiful butterfly that will help promote world peace, eventually leading to another cold war, a decline and renaming of the iron curtain, and eventually a space race that will ultimately lead mankind to the polar canals of Mars and there too, one day, man will smoke a big fat bowl, re-dubbed "The Mars Bong".